Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You Might Be A Preacher If...

A good fellow preacher friend of mine emailed me a list of You Might Be A Preacher If... and had a lot of good "inside" humor that really only preachers would enjoy.

You Might Be A Preacher If...• You hesitate to tell people what you do for a living.
• You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to awake and discover you were.
• A church picnic is no picnic.
• You ever spoken for free and were worth every penny of it.
• People sleep while you’re talking.
• You jiggle all the commode handles at the church building before you leave.
• You've been told to get a real job.
• You've been asked, "What's so hard about preaching?"
• Others wished they only had to work one day a week for a weeks pay.
• You have said, "I'm NEVER going to be a preacher."
• You wear your new shoes to church and someone comments, "We are paying you way too much money."
• Your children want to be paid for any stories, references, or examples you gave about them in your sermons.
• Your nightmares involve forgetting the deceased name at a funeral or walking into the sanctuary Sunday morning and realizing you forgotten to prepare a sermon.
• If you close your eyes and sing along with the congregation while really preparing the sermon in your mind.
• You keep relating movies you've seen to sermon topics.
• Your children are the worst behaving kids at church.
• Your vacation time revolves around church conferences or workshops.

Here are some other ones I've herad:

* You've ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee.
* You've ever wanted to give the soundman some feedback of your own.
* You've ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you weren't thinking of praying for him.
* You often feel like you're herding mules rather than shepherding sheep.
* Your sermons have a happy ending; everyone's happy when it ends!
* You've never preached on TV, but your wife made you get down before you break something.
* You’ve ever asked for a clergy discount at a golf course.
* You’ve ever been asked to lead the prayer at a High School football game.
* Taking a nap on Sunday afternoon is a spiritual experience.
* It’s Sunday, but MONDAY is coming.
** It's your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

What have you heard?

Robert Prater