Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You Might Be A Preacher If...

A good fellow preacher friend of mine emailed me a list of You Might Be A Preacher If... and had a lot of good "inside" humor that really only preachers would enjoy.

You Might Be A Preacher If...• You hesitate to tell people what you do for a living.
• You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to awake and discover you were.
• A church picnic is no picnic.
• You ever spoken for free and were worth every penny of it.
• People sleep while you’re talking.
• You jiggle all the commode handles at the church building before you leave.
• You've been told to get a real job.
• You've been asked, "What's so hard about preaching?"
• Others wished they only had to work one day a week for a weeks pay.
• You have said, "I'm NEVER going to be a preacher."
• You wear your new shoes to church and someone comments, "We are paying you way too much money."
• Your children want to be paid for any stories, references, or examples you gave about them in your sermons.
• Your nightmares involve forgetting the deceased name at a funeral or walking into the sanctuary Sunday morning and realizing you forgotten to prepare a sermon.
• If you close your eyes and sing along with the congregation while really preparing the sermon in your mind.
• You keep relating movies you've seen to sermon topics.
• Your children are the worst behaving kids at church.
• Your vacation time revolves around church conferences or workshops.

Here are some other ones I've herad:

* You've ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee.
* You've ever wanted to give the soundman some feedback of your own.
* You've ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you weren't thinking of praying for him.
* You often feel like you're herding mules rather than shepherding sheep.
* Your sermons have a happy ending; everyone's happy when it ends!
* You've never preached on TV, but your wife made you get down before you break something.
* You’ve ever asked for a clergy discount at a golf course.
* You’ve ever been asked to lead the prayer at a High School football game.
* Taking a nap on Sunday afternoon is a spiritual experience.
* It’s Sunday, but MONDAY is coming.
** It's your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

What have you heard?

Robert Prater


Benjamin J. Williams said...

Amen, Brother!
How about, "if you've ever stopped in the middle of a sermon and wondered if you've preached this sermon before." I get bad deja vu up there sometimes. Maybe its just that all my sermons sound the same ...

Preacher Prater said...

Ben, thanks for the comments! I hear you about the "have I preached it before", the problem I run into is since I've been at Central now over five years, it's "have I used this story/illustration" before:)

Anyway, being a preacher is one of those works that only other preachers can really apprecaite and relate to!

I'll try to stop by your blog from time to time and comment!

Talk to you later, bro!

Robert Prater